Sacrifices
by Kage kioku aji tenshi
Summary: ummary: Parabatai are meant to be a choice, a bond like no other, Alexander Lightwood didn't chose Johnathan Morgenstern to be his Parabatai, nor did Johnathan pick him but they were bound and admist a War upon both Clave and Downworlders each other was all they had- Full summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Parabatai are meant to be a choice, a bond like no other, Alexander Lightwood didn't chose Johnathan Morgenstern to be his Parabatai, nor did Johnathan pick him but they were bound and admist a War upon both Clave and Downworlders each other was all they had and they would do anything to keep the other safe, to make sure the other made it out in the other side of the War but Alexander had always known that there was no place for him in Valentine's world he just didn't know how to tell Johnathan.

The Lightwoods never defected, Jace's parents didn't die, Jace knows he's a Herondale and is with the Clave, Jocelyn joined the Clave to protect Clary, they grew up together.

* * *

Alec could never forget the day his mother ran away from the cause, from the Circle. He had only been four and he remembered waking in the dead of night, he'd laid still for what seemed like hours, because he'd be punished if he moved and if he was punished his Parabatai would be as well. After a while Alec had dared to sneak his way to his door and peak through his cracked door.

He had seen his mother and Miss Jocelyn tiptoeing through the hall, a bag in each of their hands, growing bellies outlined in the dim glow from their witch lights.

Alec had followed them as they snuck through their headquarters and he wondered what their mission might be.

They had paused just before they exited the building.

"Are you sure about leaving Alexander?" Miss Jocelyn had asked his mother, "We can still go back for him."

"No." His mother's voice was firm and final, Alec had never heard her speak to anyone but him that way, "He has already been made Parabatai to Johnathan, there is nothing left to do for him now, he'll become just as bad as the rest."

His mother pressed a hand to her belly, where his sister rested, "There is still a chance for this child and the one you carry, nothing can be done for the boys."

Alec watched them and felt tears spill from his eyes, Nephilim weren't meant to cry, his father would punish him if he found out.

A light switched on and Alec stiffened and heard the sharp intake of breath from his mother and Miss Jocelyn.

With resignation and fear Alec stepped into the light, drawing focus to himself as Mr. Morgenstern stepped into the light, casting Alec into shadow.

"Alexander." Mr. Morgenstern said coldly as he stared down at Alec, folding his arms over his chest, "What are you doing out of bed?"

Alec swallowed and shook with fear and fortitude as he gazed up at the man.

"Well?" Mr. Morgenstern demanded, impatiently.

"I... I had a nightmare." Alec lied.

"Is that why you cry?" Mr. Morgenstern sneered down at Alec.

Alec sniffled and scrubbed his arm over his cheeks, attempting to removed the evidence.

Mr. Morgenstern growled lowly and Alec flinched hard as the man reached and wrapped an iron grip around his upper arm before dragging him back down the hall, Alec could feel his arm begin to ache already and felt tears welled up in his eyes, but he held them back.

As they reached the end of the hall Alec took a risk and glanced back at where his mother and Miss Jocelyn had been hiding and watched their backs disappear out the door.

Neither looked back and Alec felt the quiet click of the door sounded much too loud and damning.

Alec never managed not to flinch at the soft click of a shutting door after that day, just as he never forgot the pain of the ten lashes for being out of bed, the five for crying, and the five for admitting weakness that he recieved as punishment from Mr. Morgenstern and the cut in his meals from his own father for bothering Mr. Morgenstern.

* * *

Alec dropped himself into a crouch next to his Parabatai as they paused, watching Inquisitor Imogen Herondale's son walk into the Jade Wolf.

"I can't believe they are trying to domesticate these dogs." Johnathan sneered, "Pathetic."

Alec rolled his eyes, Johnathan had always been the more vocal of the two, more for the cause than Alec ever would be, but Alec wondered some days who his Parabatai might have been if their mothers had stayed to raise them or tried to take them with them.

Of course Alec also knew that Valentine would have pursued them more desparately had the two women tried to take them instead he had felt the loss of his daughter was no big deal when he still had his son.

Usually Johnathan respected that Alec didn't particularly like hearing insults to Downworlders or the Clave and their followers because it made them memorable but Valentine had recently sent Johnathan to Edom as punishment and Alec had been forced to remain behind, feeling his Parabatai's pain and drawing out as much as he could without being obvious, but Johnathan hadn't returned to him the same person as had left, Alec was foolish to think that he would return unchanged and unbroken.

Johnathan's temper was shortened with everybody, even Alec, but their bond anchored him just enough that the other had yet to threaten or harm him yet as he had the others that sparked his temper.

"You know the Clave..." Alec began, "It is full of weak-willed and optimistic fools, the Herondales the biggest among them."

Johnathan snorted out a laugh and Alec counted the sound as a win.

"Yeah." Johnathan grinned, "You know their newest spawn hasn't even killed a demon yet."

Alec found himself returning the grin, "Pathetic."

Alec and Johnathan had both killed their first Demon long ago, right after their mothers had fled. They had been in the process of moving base because they couldn't remain if they were compromised and as they broke the warding a couple Demons had managed to sneak in ti the training room where Alec was being forced to train through the pain of his punishment for being out of bed with Johnathan.

They had fallen into step together quickly and dispatched the Demons that had managed to reach them quickly, despite their age. Robert had found them and due to Alec's previous injuries and the Demon Venom that he'd gotten he'd almost died, he barely remembered the trip to their new base and after that, he only remembered that Johnathan had been the only constant and the promise they had made to each other that they would always be there for each other, no matter what, and the realization that no one else would care if either of them died but one another.

"What do you think they are doing in there?" Johnathan asked.

Alec shrugged and felt his hip buzz. He pulled his phone from his pocket and looked at it.

"What is it?" Johnathan asked.

"We're being reassigned." Alec said, wrinkling his nose at their new assignment.

"Where?" Johnathan asked.

"Pandemonium." Alec sighed.

Asking them to go to Pandemonium was just asking for an incident, Johnathan hadn't been known for restraint before his sojourn in Edom and he had less now, but orders were orders.

"Wonderful, you can practice your flirting." Johnathan grinned wickedly at Alec.

"No!" Alec shouted with burning cheeks, "We could get caught, there might be others around and we're supposed to be back up."

"Alec, you're never going to get a boyfriend with that attitude." Johnathan growled.

"I'm not looking for one, you know what our fathers would do if they found out." Alec reminded him as they began to walk towards Pandemonium.

Johnathan looked away, he knew what would happen, they had seen it happen, the man who had been caught in bed with another man, a mundane, had been injected with Vampire blood courtesy of Valentine, they could only guess at what he would do to Alec if he was caught with another man. The other man had died as the blood tore about his system and he had ended up begging for death and had been granted it by Alec.

Alec had laid the man gently on the ground and the look in his eyes as he met Johnathan's eyes, fear and sorrow, the look of a man that knew death would come soon and not be quick, it was a look that Johnathan never wanted to see in his Parabatai's eyes ever again.

Alec had admitted to Johnathan years before then that he didn't like girls like he should, that he found his gaze drawn to men and that he was afraid that he would get caught doing it, Johnathan had vowed that he'd protect him, even from his father if necessary.

And now, now Johnathan convinced Alec to practice his flirting, when they knew other Circle members wouldn't be around, using him to gather information from male Seelies, Werewolves, and Vampires, it was easy enough to lead them into giving up information, but Alec steered clear of Warlocks, most of them were old enough to recognize the Circle Rune on his shoulder blade.

"Here's hoping there won't be others then." Johnathan grinned at Alec.

"You are a horrible Parabatai, you're supposed to watch my back, not stab it." Alec deadpanned as they paused outside Pandemonium.

"Where's the fun in that?" Johnathan grinned as he walked backward to the club's door.

"John... Johnathan." Alec hissed.

Johnathan only grinned and lifted his thumbs up, disappearing inside.

Alec glanced around nervously before he headed to the door.

Inside was dark but the lights flashed over him and Alec knew that Johnathan had only just entered and yet he had lost him already. Alec's gaze swept over the room, searching out the exits and the crowd, he could see seven Clave Nephilim just from where he stood in varying positions of lust, and Alec wondered how the Clave could justify their presence here in this den of Downworlder activity.

"Hello." A husky voice spoke from behind him, hands sneaking over his hips and Alec flinched as the arms jerked him back into a hard body, a male body.

"Um..." Alec picked at the arms around him, the body behind him forcing his body to sway as they grinded into him, "Would you let me go?"

"Come on, Sweetheart, you don't come into a club not looking for a bit of fun." The man said.

"Well, I'm not." Alec said coldly, preparing himself for a fight.

"I think he'd like you to let go." A different voice spoke up from next to Alec.

Alec's eyes darted over and met beautiful brown and Alec felt his breath catch and his mind blank because he couldn't think or find any words to respond to the man.

"Come on, I saw him first." The man behind Alec whined and dragged him closer.

"Seriously, let me go." Alec growled and squeezed the man's forearms.

"Ouch!" The man cried and released Alec, "What the hell, man?"

Alec turned and raised an eyebrow, "I tried to be nice, you're lucky my friend didn't see what you were doing, the last person who didn't listen can't walk anymore."

In reality the man in question wasn't alive anymore but most people, even Clave Nephilim tended to frown on what they would see as murder but Johnathan had seen as defending his Parabatai.

"Not worth it man." The other said and stumbled off on to the dance floor.

Alec turned to his would be rescuer and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "Umm... thank you, I guess... I mean not everyone would have even tried to help."

The man raised an eyebrow, "That sounds like the voice of experience."

"Yeah, a bit, my friend and I have been to a few shady establishments." Alec smiled a little embarrassed.

"Well, I try not to allow shady happenings." The man smiled back.

Alec laughed, "What do you like own Pandemonium?"

"Yes." The man replied.

Alec's laughter stopped abruptly, "Wait, but that means... you're Magnus Bane?"

Magnus smiled and nodded, "I am, usually I don't have to introduce myself."

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, I have to go!" Alec began to panic.

"Woah, calm down." Magnus said as Alec started to breath heavily.

"I don't... I don't feel so good." Alec whispered.

"Here, sit down, uh, and take some deep breaths, there's nothing to be afraid of." Magnus coached somewhat calmly.

"I think I'm going to be sick." Alec said as his hand flew to his mouth.

Magnus turned and came back with a small trash can, Alec hadn't seen one nearby so the man must have conjured it, but Alec took it and wrapped it in his arms tightly as he bent his head over it and vomited into it.

"I'll get you some water and find some crackers." Magnus said and began to make his way through the crowd.

Alec kept his head over the trash can for several minutes before he saw Johnathan sit next to him out of the corner of his eyes.

"Drunk already? We've been here for like twenty minutes." Johnathan said.

Alec looked at his Parabatai, "Did you find anything?"

"Some Clavies, but mostly Downworlders, there are three of ours doing a deal so we might need a distraction for them, they are entirely obvious." Johnathan whispered to him, "What did you find?"

"Oh, hello." Magnus said as he offered Alec the water in his hand and set a plate of cut banana with a small bowl of applesauce in the center of the plate, "They didn't have crackers at the bar."

"But they had Bananas and Applesauce." Johnathan asked skeptically.

"Thank you," Alec said as he sipped the water, "This is my friend..." Alec's eyes widened as he realized he couldn't use their real names, "Nate."

Johnathan raised an eyebrow as he offered a hand to Magnus, "Nice to meet you...?"

"Magnus Bane." Magnus took Johnathan's hand and Alec was extremely proud that Johnathan actually shook the Warlock's hand without flinching or drawing his hand back, but Johnathan's smile turned fake.

"We should go, before we get caught out." Johnathan turned to Alec.

"Oh, right." Alec nodded.

"Well, I'm sorry to see you go." Magnus smiled and then his attention was drawn to a commotion, one caused by their people and the Clavies, "You should go, this is likely to get ugly."

Alec opened his mouth but was stopped by Johnathan who dragged him out.

"What are you doing? Those are our people!" Alec cried.

"Look, Bane seems to like you, we can use that, more than we need to back those idiots up, imagine if we could accurately report on what Bane is doing when and where." Johnathan said as he dragged Alec away from the building.

"He's a Warlock, and even if he wasn't he's a man!" Alec shouted, "I could get killed for even thinking about him."

Johnathan frowned as he stopped to look at Alec, "What's wrong, Alec?"

"Nothing!" Alec shouted.

"Alec." Johnathan said as he stared at Alec.

"He's cute." Alec whispered to the ground, "I saw him and I wanted, I wanted to have a moment where I wasn't afraid to be caught and I wanted it to be with him."

Johnathan watched Alec turn away from him.

"But he's Magnus Bane, not just any Downworlder but a Warlock, and I can't, I can't." Alec murmured, "I can't because he's our enemy and even if he wasn't I wouldn't be allowed."

"Alec." Johnathan said, reaching out to hold Alec who sobbed in his arms quietly, shoulders shaking, "I'm not telling you that you should actually date him, just pretend, if you don't want to you don't have to, but think about how happy our fathers would be for the information, they might actually be proud of us for a bit."

"And what would we tell them?" Alec asked.

"That you accidently became friends while we were patrolling Pandemonium and that you were asked to hang out." Johnathan told him, "And I can cover for you if he asks for actual dates."

Alec pulled away slightly and nodded, "Okay, okay, if he asks me I will and we can, we can... we can..."

"Spy on him for the cause." Johnathan provided.

Alec nodded.

"Alright then, let's go, we'll come back in a few days to see what his response to you is." Johnathan suggested, "And maybe get you calmed down a bit before you see him again."

Alec nodded, "Yeah, okay."

* * *

Author's note: I AU'd again, oops.


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: First date

Alec was nervous, and he figeted as he sat at the bar with a water, unsure of what he should order and knowing better than to let Johnathan order for him.

"Where's your friend?" Magnus asked.

"Oh... um, he's..." Alec looked around at a loss, "He's somewhere."

"He didn't seem to like me very much." Magnus said as he sat next to Alec.

"He doesn't like most people, if we hadn't grown up together he probably wouldn't like me either." Alec shrugged helplessly.

"Is that so?" Magnus grinned a little.

"Yeah, he's... he's not a people person." Alec told Magnus.

Magnus laughed and Alec couldn't help the smile that crossed face as he watched Magnus' eyes light up and the corners of his eyes crinkle.

"So, what is the secret to getting him to like me?" Magnus asked in a conspiratory tone, leaning into Alec's personal space.

"I'll let you know when I figure it out." Alec returned and enjoyed the second laugh he'd pulled from Magnus.

A couple hours later and Alec had a new drink, something Magnus called a Shirley Temple and assured him had no alcohol in it, and somehow Alec was still making Magnus laugh.

"Oh, I think I'm going to be sore tomorrow and not in the way I usually am." Magnus sighed out the last of a laugh, "My sides hurt already."

Alec looked a little confused, "Why are you usually sore?"

Magnus looked startled at the question and then burst out another laugh, "Oh, darling, usually I have sex with a person, you know how it is."

Alec's face burned with heat and he turned from Magnus to stare at his drink.

"Hey, what is it?" Magnus asked softly.

"I... I've never..." Alec stuttered out.

Magnus paused, "Oh, really?"

Alec nodded, "I just never found the right person, or someone who made me feel right about wanting to." Alec explained.

"No judgement here, darling, if you aren't ready, you aren't ready, that's perfectly fine, there is no rush on something that should be wonderful." Magnus smiled at Alec softly, setting his hand on Alec's shoulder.

Alec jerked away, startled as his phone buzzed with an incoming message.

"Sorry." Alec murmured as he pulled his phone out.

*Get out of there, Clavies heading your way.* Johnathan messaged.

"I... I got to go, my..." Alec checked the time, "My curfew is... it's an hour passed." Alec admitted.

"Ah, I'm sorry for keeping you." Magnus said, "Alright, no, I'm not, I enjoyed this, I'd like to do this again, maybe dinner?"

Alec opened his mouth and then closed it as Baby Herondale came closer.

Magnus sighed, "What do you want now, Shadowhunter?"

"Look, Bane, have you thought about the deal?" The boy asked, glancing at Alec and then dismissing him, and as much as it angered Alec to be so dismissed he was grateful for it.

"We'll talk when I'm finished with..." Magnus seemed to realize that Alec had never given his name, "My darling."

The boy sneered as one of the women with him sighed softly.

Alec glanced at the other Clavies and noted each of their features, finding himself thinking them familiar though he'd never seen any of them before.

"Darling?" Magnus asked, "Let me put my number in your phone."

"Um..." Alec was rather reluctant to hand over his phone, there were things that made it very clear that he was Circle on it, "Why don't I text myself from your phone?" Alec asked.

Magnus smiled softly at him and began to dig out his phone from his too tight pocket.

"We don't have time for you to play around with your latest boy toy." Baby Herondale sneered at Alec.

Alec merely rolled his eyes, Baby Herondale might act tough but Alec had been surviving Valentine and Robert's punishments since he was two years old, his mother had stopped trying to protect hims around then and Miss Jocelyn had been too afraid of what Valentine had done to her son to protest, Alec wasn't afraid of Valentine, not anymore and the children before him did not frighten him either.

Magnus handed his phone over and Alec texted himself and saved his number as Darling rather than give his name, he wondered how long Magnus would wait before asking.

"So, where are you two going?" Johnathan asked as he lay on the bed he and Alec shared, it was easier and cheaper to have them share, Valentine ad Robert sure that they were proper Parabatai and Nephilim.

Alec and Johnathan had been grateful for the shared bed when their nightmares came to them and they could take comfort in holding each other, both of them had trouble sleeping alone when they were separated for some of their missions.

"A Downworlder bar called Hunter's Moon." Alec said, "How does this look?"

Alec turned and held out his arms to show Johnathan the dark blue button up shirt he was wearing.

Johnathan sighed and stood up, "Come here."

Alec walked over and Johnathan took his collar in hand and jerked Alec forward as he straightened it and then unbuttoned the top two buttons, untucked it from Alec's jeans and unbuttoned the bottom button, "There, that should do it for the clothes, although." Johnathan looked at Alec judgementally before taking a step to their closet and grabbing a leather jacket, "Wear this over it."

Johnathan handed it over and then ruffled Alec's hair.

"Hey!" Alec shouted, trying to stop him.

"Stop it, Alec." Johnathan snapped, "I'm giving you sexy hair."

"I don't want sexy hair." Alec cried.

"Yes, you do, trust me." Johnathan said.

"Are you coming?" Alec asked nervously.

Johnathan paused in arranging Alec's hair, "Why?"

"What... I..." Alec didn't know how to explain that he was afraid.

Hunter's Moon was a Downworlder establishment, the only reason Nephilim came around was to stir things up and if a Circle member showed up Alec would be screwed, there was no loyalty in the Circle towards Johnathan or him, they were Valentine's right and left hands and that made some of the others angry because they were so young and they would use anything they found on them to climb higher in the ranks. Alec being in a Downworlder establishment would be bad enough, to be found with a Warlock, he'd be better off killing himself rather than returning to Valentine.

"Yeah, I'll watch your back, you're buying drinks though." Johnathan grinned.

Alec laughed, "Let's go."

Alec was trembling, his hands shaking and his stomach was rebelling.

"It's fine, Alec, they believed the lie, we'll just have to make up a Clavie, it'll be fine." Johnathan tried to reassure Alec as they sat at the bar.

"Who? They have people there, they will fine out and we'll get killed." Alec hissed.

"What do you two want?" The bartender asked.

Johnathan sighed and turned from Alec and paused, for a Downworlder the woman was very pretty and for a moment Johnathan wished that she was a Mundie, then at least he could have a little fun with her, but she was less than a Mundie, not worth the air they shared.

"Just water for now, last thing I need is to add alcohol to his panic." Johnathan felt a smile curl on his lips.

She smiled back and left.

"Oh, Angel, he's here, oh no!" Alec muttered.

Johnathan sighed, "Calm down and go... I don't know play pool or something."

Johnathan shoved Alec out of his seat towards Bane and settled himself to keep an eye on the door as well as on Alec and his date.

It had been almost three hours since they had arrived and Johnathan was just downing the last of his water when the Bartender came back.

"Can I ask you a favor?" She asked.

Johnathan raised an eyebrow and thought about flat out refusing, "Depends." He said instead.

"There's this guy that comes in every few days that hits on me and telling him I've got a boyfriend isn't doing anything to deture him."

"You want me to be the boyfriend?" Johnathan asked.

She nodded, "Normally I'd kick his butt myself but I've done it a few too many times in the last few months."

"A girl that can kick ass for herself, I'm impressed, why not?" Johnathan grinned, "Which one is it?"

The woman pointed with her thumb over her shoulder and Johnathan grinned widely, Baby Herondale, oh, he would enjoy kicking the boy's ass.

"That's both freaky and kind of hot." The Bartender said as she watched his face split into his devilish smile, only Alec had not been afraid of his smile before and Johnathan found himself angry that this woman was his enemy.

"Thank you." Johnathan told her, and forced himself to kiss her as she leaned on her forearms on the bar.

There was a moment of surprise in her body as she tensed before relaxing.

"Hey, Maia." Baby Herondale interrupted, "Who is this?" He sneered at Johnathan.

"My boyfriend." Maia said, staring down at Herondale.

"You can't be serious, he's not your type." Herondale snarled.

"And you know what her type is?" Johnathan drawled, "Must be you, hmm, afterall who could possible resist such..." Johnathan looked the boy up and down, "Charm?"

"Look man, back off, I saw her first." The boy growled grabbing Johnathan's shirt.

"Excuse you?" Johnathan asked, because he had not just heard Herondale imply that the lovely Bartender didn't have a choice in who she wanted to date.

"You heard me, I saw her first."

Johnathan stood and picked Herondale's hand off his shirt, Downworlder or not, unworthy of his attention or not Johnathan had spent enough time around Alec to understand that no one deserved their choice of partner taken from them.

"I really think you need to leave the lovely lady alone, she doesn't want you, she doesn't like you and she shouldn't be harassed by you for telling you no. Consider this your only warning to back off." Johnathan said coldly.

The boy opened his mouth to respond when Alec stepped up next to Johnathan.

Alec turned to Johnathan, "Is there a problem, Nate?"

Johnathan didn't turn away from Herondale, "Only if he makes one, Xan."

Alec turned to Herondale, "Problem?"

The boy sneered and opened his mouth.

"Maia, is Herondale bothering you again?" Bane interrupted.

"No." Herondale snarled and stormed off.

Alec turned to the girl, "Are you okay?"

She smiled, "I'm fine, thank you, Nate."

Johnathan shook his head and turned to Alec, "We shoud head back in twenty minutes. Finish your game."

"Thanks for not actually fighting." Alec said as they walked back towards headquarters.

"You were having fun." Johnathan shrugged, "Not that it would have been much of a fight, I may go back to make sure Maia isn't bothered by the boy."

Alec's eyes sparkled, "You like her."

"I do not, she is beneath us, worth nothing." Johnathan sneered.

Alec sighed, "Even if you did, I guess nothing could be done about it, she's a wolf."

Johnathan looked at Alec, "Nothing for it then, I'll use her for information as well."


	3. Chapter 3

Summary:

* * *

Sometimes Alec wondered what happened to Johnathan in Edom, especially on nights like this when the other thrashed and let out scream after scream. They were all silent after the first as Alec activated Johnathan's silence Rune.

Johnathan never spoke about it and Alec never asked, most of the time Alec just held the other and sparred with him when sleep refused to come.

Alec had had several more dates with Magnus while Johnathan had spet time with Maia at the Hunter's Moon, keeping Herondale away from her and it was frustrating Johnathan that he couldn't just kill the boy to get him to leave her alone but doing so would cause her more trouble as several Clavies knew that the boy had feelings for the girl.

Alec and Johnathan had given Valentine information about both Clave and Downworlder movement, though they had been careful to keep their sources from him, realizing that the man would not apreciate the source of the information even if they were only pretending.

But Alec worried, he wasn't sure what he was feeling anymore, he liked Magnus, Magnus made him happy, made him smile and Alec felt guilty about using the man to hurt Magnus' Allies.

Alec sighed and woke Johnathan, "I'm going to go see little Madzie."

Johnathan looked at Alec blurrily and nodded before burrowing back into their covers.

Alec had been both angry and delighted when Valentine had arrived with Madzie, angry because the little Warlock was only four years old and certainly should not have been drawn into this fight and Alec had taken to spending time with her. She seemed to like it and she trusted Alec which made it easier to get her to do what Valentine wanted her to do.

Alec walked through their base and entered Madzie's room, she wasn't allowed to lock her door and Alec knew she was probably asleep, so it was a surprise when she sat up and smiled at him.

"Xan-xan." Madzie said, Xan-xan was what Madzie called him, not quite able to pronounce his full name.

Madzie smiled and held her hands out and Alec smiled and lifted her up out of her bed.

Madzie wasn't allowed to wander alone but she loved to be outside, so, Alec often took her out to play, telling Valentine and Robert that he was making sure she wouldn't bother any one or lose control and hurt somebody.

"Morning, 'Zie-zie." Alec smiled at her as they walked out side, "How did you sleep?"

"Good." Madzie snuggled into Alec's neck.

"What did you dream about?" Alec asked.

"Xan-xan." Madzie said.

"What was Xan-xan doing?" Alec asked.

Madzie smiled shyly and began to tell Alec about her dream.

After a while Alec stopped and set Madzie down, they would be left alone where they were and Madzie could play without being yelled at.

A few hours later Alec was summoned to Valentine and took Madzie back to her room, it seemed that everyone had been summoned.

Alec came to stand with Johnathan, "Do you know anything?"

Johnathan shook his head, "Valentine's been quiet about his plans, I overheard him talking to Robert about finding our mothers."

Alec stiffened, he'd never told Johnathan that he'd seen their mothers leave, it was the one secret that he had kept from his Parabatai, Johnathan had had enough trouble with feelings, the last thing Alec knew he needed was a rejection from his mother.

"What are they going to do about it?"

"Robert was all for killing them both but Valentine still loves mom." Johnathan sighed, "He's going to try bringing her back."

Alec shook his head with a sigh and turned back to Valentine as the man began a speech.

* * *

Alec knocked on Magnus' door and waited for the man to open it.

"Xan." Magnus smiled as he let Alec in, pressing a light kiss to Alec's lips, "How was your day?"

"It was fine." Alec told him, he didn't want to talk about what happened, not even if he could tell Magnus, in a few hours several of their people would swarm the New York Institute, trying to capture Maryse Lightwood and Jocelyn Fray if possible, if not they were to kill the two women. Because of their relationship to the two women Johnathan and Alec were not permitted on the raid, Valentine and Robert wanted their daughters back as well but knew it would not be likely that they would be able to find them.

"You seem sad." Magnus said as he looked at Alec.

Alec shook his head, "It's nothing." Alec forced a smile, "Can we spend some time together?"

Magnus smiled softly and took Alec's hand, leading him to the couch, Alec halted their progress.

Magnus turned back confused, "Alec?"

"Can I kiss you?" Alec asked, usually Alec let Magnus initiate their kisses but Alec wanted, he wanted to feel safe and wanted and loved.

Magnus smiled at his sweetly, "Of course, darling."

Alec stepped forwards and took Magnus' face in his hands as he leaned down and pressed his lips to Magnus', Magnus moved his hand up to pull Alec further into him.

Alec didn't know how it happened but they ended up in Magnus' bed.

"Alec?" Magnus pulled back and looked down at a slightly dazed Alec.

"Magnus." Alec breathed, smiling up at Magnus.

"Is this okay?" Magnus asked as he tugged at the hem of Alec's shirt.

Alec shrugged out of the shirt, "Yeah, I... I want... Please?"

Magnus offered Alec a soft smile, "Yeah, of course, Darling."

Magnus tugged Alec closer by his hips, pressing his lips to Alec's neck and roaming along Alec's bared skin, Alec flinched when Magnus' hand neared his left shoulder, the shoulder where his Circle Rune rested, the one Rune that could not be hidden by the Rune that hid the rest of his Runes from Magnus.

Part of Alec felt guilty for not telling Magnus he was a Nephilim when Magnus had told him about being a Warlock a month ago but how could Alec tell Magnus what he was when Alec was a member of Valentine's troops, when Alec had killed so many Downworlders, Alec wasn't ready for Magnus to hate him yet and Magnus would hate him, Alec knew he would because Magnus had given Alec a brief history of their world, from Magnus' point of view and Alec had always known that Valentine was a monster but hearing Magnus speak about the first uprising of the Circle confirmed it.

"Alec? What's wrong?"

"I... I spared with Nate, hurt my shoulder a little, it's mostly fine." Alec told Magnus, forcing a smile.

"I could..." Magnus let his magic curl around his hands.

"No, it should heal naturally." Alec said, even though there was nothing to heal the trace amount of magic would be noticable when the only Warlock that they had was Madzie, "Just avoid it, it will be fine."

"Alright." Magnus said and resumed kissing Alec.

Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus' shoulders as Magnus' kisses trailed down, stopping at his pants.

"Darling?" Magnus asked when Alec stiffened, no matter how many times Alec ended up like this with Magnus he always stiffened when Magnus reached his pants.

Alec smiled down at Magnus, "Yeah."

Magnus smiled and pulled Alec's pants off gently, pressing kisses along the way before traveling back up to kiss Alec's lips again. Alec's legs folded up around Magnus' hips as he kissed Magnus and help him tight.

"You're beautiful, as always." Magnus whispered.

Alec pulled away to look up at Magnus, his fingers brushing over the Warlock's cheeks, "Can I... will you...I..." Alec stuttered.

"What Xan?" Magnus asked, smiling down at the younger man.

"I want to see your real eyes, please?" Alec asked softly, hesitence in his voice, he knew that Magnus didn't like his eyes, the mark of his demon father.

"Why?" Magnus asked.

"Because..." Alec didn't know how to explain, they were a part of Magnus, and Alec wanted to have every bit of Magnus that he could while he could, even his demon mark, "They are yours."

Magnus stared at Alec and turned away, Alec's legs falling to the bed with a soft thump.

"Magnus?" Alec asked as he sat up and reached for Magnus, "It's okay if you don't want to."

Magnus turned back slowly and Alec saw his Warlock mark for the first time, for a second he felt a shiver of fear, he'd only ever seen Warlock marks on those about to die, except for Madzie.

"They're beautiful, you're beautiful." Alec whispered as he pressed a kiss to Magnus' lips, "Will you love me, Magnus?"

Magnus drew Alec into his arms, "Yes, darling, I will."

They fell back onto the bed and Alec dragged Magnus as close to his body as he could, with a mutter Magnus' clothing disappeared and Alec gasped, they had never been fully naked at the same time, though usually Alec was the one that was still clothed.

"Darling?" Magnus asked.

"Just surprised." Alec assured.

"It might be easier with you on your stomach." Magnus offered.

Alec shook his head, "I... I want to see you."

Alec knew if he flipped over his Circle Rune would be on display but he also didn't want to miss a moment of Magnus and their pleasure.

Magnus smiled softly and kissed Alec, "You're precious, darling."

Alec smiled back but there was a sadness in his smile, he knew that after tonight he'd never have Magnus again, after tonight Valentine would have all of the Mortal Instruments, he'd summon Raziel and Magnus... Magnus would die, a part of Alec with him.

* * *

Alec shifted against Magnus, the Warlock's hand at the base of Alec's spine, Alec's head on Magnus' sholder as they slept. The phone on the table buzzed and Alec glanced at it, it was Magnus'. Alec sat up, wincing slightly, he understood now what Magnus meant by being sore in the morning.

Alec sat on the edge of the bed, turning back to Magnus.

There were tears in his eyes as Alec pressed a final kiss first to Magnus' forehead and then to Magnus' lips.

"I love you." Alec whispered.

Alec felt Magnus' lips twitch into a smile.

"I love you, too, my darling." Magnus returned.

"Your phone is ringing and I have to head home." Alec told Magnus softly.

Alec knew that he should tell Magnus that he couldn't see him again but Magnus looked so happy in this moment, his golden cat-like eyes shining beautifully and Alec couldn't do it, he couldn't break Magnus' heart or his own.

Maybe... maybe he could let Magnus die while loving him, maybe Alec could pretend that Magnus would always love him.

Magnus smiled at him, "I better answer then, I'll see you tomorrow?"

Alec hesitated, "It may be a few days before I can come back."

"Alright." Magnus took his phone in hand and answered it.

Alec grabbed his clothes and pulled his shirt on before his pants as Magnus jumped out of bed and used magic to dress.

"I have to go, emergency, the door will lock automatically after you leave." Magnus told Alec as he pressed a quick kiss to Alec's lips before summoning a portal and vanishing.

Alec sat on the bed for a moment, now was a perfect opportunity to search through Magnus' magics, he could find his spell book for Madzie, could... but... but Valentine was going to kill all Downworlders, Alec let out a stuttering breath, that meant Madzie too.

Alec stood up and walked out of Magnus' home, he would never be back here again and Alec felt his heart breaking as he walked further away.


	4. Chapter 4

Summary:

* * *

"Alec?" Johnathan asked as he stood at the edge of the bed, "What's up?"

The bed dipped as Johnathan sat next to Alec's back, hand stroking it in an attempt at comfort.

"Nothing." Alec said emotionless.

"We're Parabatai, Alec, I know what you're feeling." Johnathan reminded him.

Alec turned to look up at Johnathan and Johnathan felt part of his heart break at the dispair, pain, and tears that he saw in Alec's eyes.

"Valentine is going to kill everyone I love." Alec whispered, "And even if he fails, Magnus won't love me when he knows what I am, what I've done, what tortures I've dealt his people, he won't care, he'll hate me and I deserve it."

The tears in Alec's eyes spilled over and Alec buried his face in their pillows.

"Alec." Johnathan whispered before he stopped and just gathered Alec into his arms, "You'll still have me." He offered, I'll always love you and I know everything you've ever done."

"Will you still be here?" Alec asked softly, pressing face into Johnathan's shoulder.

"What do you mean?" Johnathan asked.

"Valentine's plan... the one he's been working on for decades... it's to destroy Downworlders and everyone with demon blood." Alec said softly.

"Yes, of course." Johnathan agreed, they had always known what the end goal was.

Alec looked up into Johnathan's face, "You have demon blood, Johnathan." Alec whispered.

Johnathan blinked, blood running cold, Valentine had been injecting him with Demon blood since before he was born, when he was still growing in his mother's belly, would Valentine make him an exception? No, Johnathan was too dangerous, too volatile for Valentine to ever trust him completly, Valentine had made Alec his Parabatai in an attempt to keep him under control, using Alec to punish him when he disobeyed.

What would happen to Alec if Valentine succeeded, if Johnathan was dead along with Magnus and Madzie, who would love Alec, protect him if they were gone?

What would Alec do if he had no one?

Robert would not care if Alec was harmed, if Alec lost Johnathan, a Parabatai bond that was broken by death was always incomplete and the one left behind never recovered from the severence.

Alec would be alone and broken, he would not have any one help him through and why would it matter. The only thing that awaited Alec in Valentine's new world was a forced Marriage to a woman that Alec would never love, could never love, and perhaps children that would only have a broken thing for a father.

Alec let his head fall back onto Johnathan's shoulder and Johnathan could still feel the emptiness within Alec and he supposed that if they allowed Valentine's plan to come to fruition that Alec would never feel anything again.

"What do you want to do?" Johnathan asked.

"What do you mean?" Alec asked.

"I'll follow you anywhere, Alec, Parabatai first over anyone else." Johnathan said.

Alec turned to Johnathan, "Do you know what you're suggesting, Johnathan?"

"Yes." Johnathan opened his mouth to continue.

Alec shook his head, "Say nothing else."

"Alec." Johnathan said.

Alec turned to look at Johnathan eyes hard and determined and Johnathan knew what he meant when he said, "Alright."


	5. Chapter 5

Summary:

* * *

Johnathan carried Madzie in his arms, in her own arms she held the Mortal Cup while Alec had gone to collect the Soul Sword, since Johnathan had Demon Blood within him he would not be able to touch the Sword so Alec had gone for it and made Johnathan promise to protect Madzie.

When Johnathan entered the New York Institute, there was panic everywhere, and Johnathan looked around, searching for Magnus or anyone he recognized as Downworlders and Clavies rushed here and there.

"Maia!" Johnathan shouted when he saw the Werewolf talking to a young woman with bright red hair.

"Nate?" Maia asked confused, turning to him, "What are you doing here? How did you get here?"

"There's no time to explain." Johnathan said, "Where is Magnus Bane?"

"I'm here." Magnus walked up, "Who is this?"

Madzie buried her face into Johnathan's shoulder shyly.

"This is Madzie, she's Alec's daughter." Johnathan said, "Further explinations later, Zie-zie, give Bane the pretty cup."

Madzie looked over and held out the Mortal Cup.

"How did you get this, Valentine had it." Baby Herondale snarled as he reached for the Cup.

Madzie zapped his hands with lightning before he could touch it, "No."

"Alec told her that only Bane got to touch it." Johnathan told them sheepishly.

"Xan-xan?" Madzie asked, turning to look up at Johnathan.

"He'll be here, Sweetie." Johnathan promised her.

"What is going on?" A worn voice asked.

Johnathan watched Inquisitor Imogen Herondale approach with two women her recognized vaguely, like images from a dream.

"Mom." Johnathan whispered into the sudden quiet of the room.

The woman frowned before her hands flew to her mouth, "Johnathan?"

Johnathan smiled, "Mom!"

He stepped towards her and wrapped his free arm around her, ignoring the way she stiffened in his grip, "I missed you, Mom. Why didn't you...?"

Johnathan pulled back to look at her questioningly, she didn't look happy to see him, "Mom?"

"Inquisitor, you should take this man into custody, his name is Johnathan Morgenstern and he is one of Valentine's experiments, his number one General." Johnathan's mother said.

Johnathan wondered if he looked as devistated as he felt, he wondered if Alec had known.

"You left us on purpose, didn't you?" Johnathan asked softly.

Jocelyn looked at Johnathan coldly, "Your father made you a monster, what else could I do, I couldn't let you hurt my daughter."

Johnathan stepped back, his hand going to the back of Madzie's head and he wrapped her in his arms protectively, "What about Alec, why did you leave him behind?" Johanthan asked Maryse, eyes searching, wanting to find out why his Parabatai, his gentle best friend and brother had been abandoned by his mother.

Maryse stared at him with the same coldness, "He was your Parabatai by then, there was nothing for him, they would have found us all, sacrifices had to be made."

Johnathan felt anger course through his body, could suddenly hear only his blood pounding in his ears.

"Sacrifices?" He asked lowly, "SACRIFICES?" He screamed, "Do you know what happened to him? What they did to us?!"

Madzie trembled and whimpered in his arms and Johnathan knew he had to let her go before he hurt her, Alec would kill him if she was harmed.

"Bane." Johnathan said, voice hard and cold, "I need you to take Madzie."

Johnathan handed the child over, surprisingly gentle with the transfer before he looked back at the three women.

"You think I'm a monster?" Johnathan asked softly, "If I'm a monster, what does that make you then?"

Johnathan gazed at them coldly, "Did you care? Did you think about either of us in the last Seventeen years, about the Monsters you left us with?

"Do you know what they did to us? What they did to Alexander just to hurt me?" Johnathan growled, he could feel himself losing control, like he always did when he was angry, only Alec wasn't here to calm him, to drag him back to Humanity, "Did you look back that night you abandoned us to Valentine and Robert?"

Johnathan stared at the women, eyes covered in black, fingers burning with the fires of Edom and his veins burning with the Demon blood his father had poisoned him with.

Johnathan gasped suddenly and fell to his knees in phantom pain. His hands clutched at his belly uselessly and his heart cracked as a unholy and inhuman screech tore itself from his throat.

"AAALEC!" Johnathan's scream echoed through the Institute, "Alec..." He whispered brokenly as their Parabatai bond shuddered, trembled, and freyed before snapping as another scream fell from his mouth.

And darkness rushed to meet him as his world shattered into a thousand tiny, sharp and broken pieces.


	6. Chapter 6

Summary:

* * *

Johnathan woke slowly, he felt empty, reaching for Alec but Alec wasn't there, the emptiness was different more hollow than it had been when he and Alec had decided that they were going to betray Valentine.

Johnathan turned over in his bed, he was still in the Institute's medical wing, had been for the last two months. He had slowly explained to the Downworlder Council and the Heads of the Clave about what he and Alec had endure at the hands of Valentine and his people, about the lying and spying and the moment that they had made the decision to betray everything they had been raised into.

His voice had been hollow, without inflection or variation of tone, cold and empty.

Madzie would visit sometimes and Johnathan couldn't even pretend for her. The only time Johnathan could summon any emotion was when Maia came by; she did not come often, feeling betrayed by his lies and his spying and using information gathered from her to hurt their people. Johnathan found he couldn't blame her and suddenly he understood Alec's fear, he wanted her, wanted her to still love him dispite what he was, what he had done but... but sometimes there was no forgiveness, no happy endings, not even for those that deserved them.

Not even for Alec.

Johnathan reached out for Alec again, as he had for the last two months hoping, hoping that this was just one of those torturous punishments of Robert's design, a Rune marked over Alec's Parabatai Rune that made Johnathan unable to sense the other, but then there had always been that brief and almost painful second of reassurance before the Rune was reapplied.

As cruel as their fathers had been they had never parted them for this long and Johnathan felt tears spill over his cheeks silently and made no effort to stop them from falling.

His mother would come by and Johnathan would ignore her, he had loved her so much, had never imagined that she would hate him like she did. He had always thought that she would come back, come back to rescue them from Valentine, from Robert, from the Circle.

How could Alec have kept her hatred from him, how could Alec have let him love them, let him speak lies about how they would be back for them?

Johnathan wanted to hate Alec for giving him hope that his mother would love him when he found her again, that his sister would welcome with open arms and a smile, but what else could Alec have done? What other lie would allow Johnathan to retain his thin thread of humanity?

Johnathan wondered if any humanity was left in him now that Alec was gone, Alec had been the anchor that held the Demon back.

But somehow, between a female blue Warlock, whose name Johnathan hadn't been aware enough to remember, and Magnus Bane they had managed to remove the majority of the Demon Blood that had ran through his veins. Johnathan no longer felt like his blood was boiling within his body, his normal temperature was no longer 106 and Johnathan's body felt better than it ever had, it was his soul that ached and burned.

The Clave had the Mortal Cup but they had yet to find the Soul Sword or the Mortal Mirror, or even Alec's body.

Valentine seemed to have gone to ground again and most of his people's bodies had been recovered and taken care of, Alec had, at least, done a good job of destroying Valentine's army.

There were days when Johnathan wondered how much more of the Army would be dead if he had been by Alec's side as he was meant to be.

Johnathan sighed and turned his body over when the door opened, within moments Madzie was curled comfortably in his arms and Johnathan tried to let her tiny body comfort him but there was no comfort to be found here, the body beside him much too small, hair much too springy and voice too high.

Most days the tiny body would shake and shudder with sobs as he stroked her back trying to offer tha same comfort Alec had given her, but it wasn't a comfort, just a reminder of what was no longer there, of what had been lost and taken from them and despite all of the ways the child in his arms was wrong, the only time Johnathan slept was when he held Madzie in the minimal protection of his arms.

It had been Alec's last request, to keep the tiny child in his arms safe and so Johnathan would try to do so.


	7. Chapter 7

Summary:

* * *

Alec didn't know where he was, could hardly breath through the pain in body, he tried to feel for Johnathan but the Rune over his Parabatai Rune was active and as Alec gained awareness he realized that he father wandered around the small room, activating the Rune whenever it began fading.

It took Alec several days to pull together enough brain power to realize that they were keeping Johnathan from sensing him, it took several days more to wonder why.

"Ah, Alexander." Valentine smiled, sickly sweet, "Welcome back."

Alec stared at the man.

"You must be wondering what is happening." Valentine told him.

Alec wondered what Valentine would say if Alec admitted to not caring about what Valentine was doing to him.

"He's not looking for you." Valentine whispered in Alec's ear, "Not your Parabatai, not your mother, not your Warlock."

Robert glanced at them.

"How long had you been dating the Warlock? How long did you keep it secret? When did you decide to betray us?" Robert snarled, "Did you think that he would still care once he found out what you were?"

Alec stared at the two for a long moment before turning away as best he could, closing his eyes and ignoring the two men, it didn't matter, not anymore, if he died here, he died here the others would never know how long it took after Johnathan defected and what they did to him didn't matter, Johnathan was free, Madzie was free, Magnus was safe, they were all safe and Alec, Alec was content.

He'd always known that there was nothing for him after the War, if Valentine won then Alec would be forced to live a lie for the rest of his days, married to a woman he could never love, if the Clave and Downworlders won then he would be executed along with every one of the other Circle members and Valentine. Alec had made his peace with death long ago, long ago when his mother had left Johnathan and Alec to the mercies of their fathers, only their fathers had no mercy to call upon.

Alec had always known that he would die by Valentine's design, by his hand, by his punishments, or by his orders, Alec had always known, just as he had known that their mothers were never coming back, that neither cared about the sons they left behind all those years ago.

Alec drifted away, the pain carrying him into darkness and Alec embraced it, welcomed it and felt nothing.

* * *

Alec shivered from the cold, his limbs shaking in his chains as his hung there limply, his toes hung over the ground, not touching as his body swayed slightly.

They had stripped him bare, had drenched him, they no longer asked him questions he refused to answer, now they were just torturing him, reminding him that he was still at their mercy as he had always been, but there was no mercy to be found in this small, cold, and empty room.

There were some times when Valentine and Robert would bring in a few baby Circle members to learn how to break a man, but Alec had been broken long ago and barely reacted to their attempts. This caused Valentine to tell them that they would just have to try harder.

Sometimes Alec would dream, he'd dream about Madzie, Johnathan, and Magnus. They were always short dreams, cut off abruptly when Alec was jerked back into wakefullness.

Alec breathed raggedly and coughed slightly, blood coating his lips as he flinched when light poured into the opening door.

Valentine stepped in dragging a young woman and threw her to the ground hard enough that she slid and hit the wall, dazing her.

"I found out that my Son betrayed the very nature of our cause." Valentine sneered at the bound girl, who glared back, "Spending time with a stupid dog."

Alec blinked as the door shut with a loud bang, echoing Valentine's anger.

"Maia?" Alec tried to speak, throat dry and scratchy, voice rough and fading.

"Xan?" Maia asked back, eyes finding him in the dim light that leaked through the crack at the bottom of the door.

"Wha'... Johna...?" Alec tried to ask but he cold feel himself fading out into sleep.

Maia did not answer him still shocked that Alec was there and mostly alive.

* * *

"He's going to kill us." Maia whispered as she tried to get Alec to drink some of the water she'd been given a day ago.

They fed her irregularly and never enough for her to share with Alec and still feel full, one of Valentine's men would come in, torture Alec for a bit and activate Alec's nurishment Rune before leaving, but Maia couldn't stand not trying to help her fellow captive.

Alec managed a small sip of the water and then turned away from her, she had tried once to lift him, to let his arms rest from his hanging poeition but he had screamed at the change in position and made her wonder if Alec had been held like this since Johnathan had come to the Institute four months ago.

It didn't take long for the small sip of water to come back up and Alec groaned in pain as it did and Maia wondered how long it had been since he had been given something real.

* * *

Alec forced himself to open his heavy eyes when Maia screamed, he could see her pushing at a person, fighting to make them leave her alone.

"Hey!" Alec shouted weakly, voice fading halfway through.

The man turned to him and Maia wrapped her roped hands around his throat until he sunk down to the ground before Maia searched him for the keys to Alec's chains and unlocked him after she cut her ropes, pressing her hand over Alec's mouth to muffle his scream as she guided him down to the ground.

"We have to get out of here, can you..." Maia looked at a limp Alec, resting in her arms, "Can you walk?"

"Stele." Alec whispered, pointing to the man Maia had knocked out.

Maia nodded and searched the man and held out the Stele to Alec.

Alec's hand was shaking violently as he activated several of his Runes and she helped him stand, walking with him over to the man and watching him pick up the man's weapon, activating it before using it to kill the man.

Maia turned her face away, as much as she hated the Circle she had never liked the thought of killing them.

Alec looked at her, his gaze tired but cold, he tried to smile at her but it never quite made it to his lips as Maia turned and began to lead the way out.

Alec stumbled along after Maia, there had been something emensely satisfying about killing his father and leaving the man to rot in the small room where he'd tortured Alec for who knew how long.

Alec felt the Rune over his Parabatai Rune begin to fade out and for a moment wanted to let it continue, but he was in so much pain right now, and he knew how much of that would bleed through to Johnathan, Alec renewed the Rune over his Parabatai Rune.

"Xan?" Maia asked as she looked back at him where he leaned against the wall.

Alec pointed to a door.

"That doesn't lead out." Maia said.

Alec shook his head, "Sword."

"The Soul Sword?" She asked.

Alec nodded and Maia reached to open the door, Alec gripping her wrist to stop her which caused her to look at him confused.

"Get..." Alec coughed lightly, "Sword, I'll... others."

Alec hoped that Maia understood what he was trying to say, that he wanted her to get the Soul Sword and run while he fought, he knew that she could fight but Johnathan had always told him that her heart was too kind to kill, it was one of the ways Alec knew his Parabatai loved her, because he always smiled when he talked about her kindness instead of sneering about the weakness of her heart.

"Xan, you can't, you're..." Maia stopped when Alec shook his head.

"Please." Alec traced one of her cheeks, "Magnus, Madzie, Johnathan, safe."

Maia looked confused but Alec didn't care if she understood that as long as Valentine had the Soul Sword none of his family was safe, as long as Valentine was alive they were in danger and Alec couldn't... everything ached and Alec wasn't sure just how badly he was hurt but the way Maia kept looking at him it was probably impressive that he was even awake and stumbling clumsily after her.

Alec reached for the door, nodding at her and then he had to focus his wandering attention on the men that were guarding the Sword.

* * *

Maia had Alec's arm over her shoulder as he staggered and lost his footing beside her, the Soul Sword was clutched tightly in the hand that wasn't curled around Alec's waist and Alec looked like he was on the verge of passing out. She was shocked that he had managed to kill the seven Circle members that had been guarding the Sword as she ran to grab it from the pillow it was resting on, gaining only a few more wounds to add to his collection.

But she was getting worried as his body grew heavier in her arms and his legs seemed to give more and more as they move towards the exit, she was carrying him more than he was walking.

Yet he had not tried to convince her to leave him, not that it would have worked but Johnathan had told her about Alec over the last year; the eight months they had been dating, four of those pretending to keep Jace Herondale from hitting on her, and the four months since Johnathan had defected from the Circle, though she had only begun visiting him for more than a couple minutes in the last two months after forgiving him, realising that he'd had no other choice, the Circle had given him no choice but to be in their image in order to survive.

"Did you think you could actually make it?" Valentine asked as he blocked the door.

Maia stopped and Alec struggled to his feet and looked at Valentine, Maia wondered if he could even see the man, his eyes looking blurry and unfocused.

"You always were a disappointment as a person, Alexander." Valentine sneered at the flinch Alec gave, Maia stopping him from falling, "But a good soldier, but weak in the head, in the heart."

"At least he has one." Maia snarled back, wishing they hadn't given her something to prevent her from shifting to her wolf form.

"Unfortunatly, and he taught my son to use his." Valentine glared at them, "No matter, he'll die today, I should have done it years ago, so much trouble saved. Maybe while Johnathan was in Edom, what would that have done?" Valentine pondered.

"You really are a monster." Maia said softly.

Alec let out a soft, nearly silent laugh.

Valentine growled and lept at them, Alec shoving her to the ground as he took the Soul Sword from her grip.

Maia missed the battle, sheilding her eyes from the light that sparked everytime the Soul Sword met Valentine's weapon and then there was a clatter and the sound of a body hitting the floor, followed by an answering thump and a clang as the Sword hit the floor.

"Xan?" Maia called cautiously as she stood and walked towards the two bodies.

Alec gasped as she turned him over and she sighed in relief before taking the Soul Sword in hand and going to check Valentine's body, a relieved sob exiting her mouth when she found no pulse.

She returned to Alec and hoisted him up, the man attempting and failing to regain his footage, they left the building, Maia dragging Alec along and she prayed to any greater being that was listening that they would make it back, for Alec's sake.


	8. Chapter 8

Summary:

Warnings: Descriptions of War Crimes and Child murder Mention of Iris Rouse's Baby making scheme

* * *

Alec blinked his eyes open slowly, it felt odd not having them caked in blood and mucus, there was an ache in his bones and muscles. Alec turned to the weight that displaced the mattress he was resting on and smiled softly at the sight of his Parabatai holding his hand like a life-line and sleeping from exhaustion, Johnathan had likely attempted to remain awake to see Alec wake for the first time, as Alec had done after Johnathan had returned from Edom, the difference being that Alec had succeeded and Johnathan failed.

Alec turned to the other side of the bed where he felt a small body cuddled against his hip and let his hand pet Madzie's hair gently.

Alec let his eyes close against his tears as he told himself that two out of three wasn't bad, that Magnus had a right to hate him, for lying, for using him, for being in the Circle...

But it hurt, it hurt for Magnus to be gone because Alec loved Magnus, had realized it only four months into their relationship, had known that he would never love anyone like he loved Magnus, never wanted to.

"Awake?" A quiet voice interrupted Alec's thoughts.

Alec opened his eyes and felt a smile cross his face as he looked at Magnus, a joy he only ever felt around Magnus filling his body, diming the pain he felt in his body.

"Magn-" Alec's body spasmed with a sudden coughing fit and Magnus' hands were lifting Alec's shoulders up, cradleing his head in support as Alec tried to breath and stop coughing.

Magnus let Alec fall against his shoulder as the fit faded away, Magnus taking a seat on the mattress above where Madzie was now blinking up at him. Alec forced a smile to his lips for her as Magnus conjured a water for him.

"Small sips, darling." Magnus said as Alec drank, "Maia said you couldn't drink when she tried to give you some water."

"Where?" Alec asked hoarsely.

"She's being fussed over by her pack, she wanted to be here but well, apparently Wolves have a pack thing." Johnathan explained, his face betraying his confusion, "I... I told her that that was more important, we were just waiting for you to wake up."

"Go on." Alec smiled at his Parabatai, "I'll be fine."

Johnathan hesitated, "I should be with you, you're my Parabatai, and you were just tortured. You stayed with me."

Alec nodded, "We didn't have anything else to protect then, and I have Magnus."

Johnathan looked at the two Warlocks on the bed, Madzie trying to crawl in Alec's lap and being stopped by Magnus.

"Take care of him." Johnathan growled at Magnus, "They haven't let the Rune over our Parabatai Rune fade yet, you're in too much pain and they don't want us sharing, I still can't feel you."

Alec held his arms out and Johnathan fell into them and Alec squeezed as much as his arms would allow and then pushed Johnathan away lightly.

"You can call my phone when you want to talk to him." Magnus offered, "I'm going to stay here for a while, Alexand-" Magnus paused as Alec flinched at the beginning of his full name.

"Alec." Johnathan said, "He prefers Alec."

"Alec and I should talk."

"Then I should stay." Johnathan folded his arms over his chest.

Magnus shook his head, "I've had a lot of time to think and I understand why you both did what you did but I think that if we plan on continuing our relationship then we should talk about what exactly has been going on."

"I already told you!" Johnathan shouted.

"From your pont of view." Magnus said.

"Johnathan, it will be fine." Alec smiled at his Parabatai, "We'll be fine, go be with Maia."

Johnathan opened his mouth to protest but stopped at the look Alec gave him and nodded instead, "I'll see you later, then."

"I'll be here, I guess." Alec shrugged a little and gasped in pain.

"Shhh..." Magnus murmured and pressed a bit of his blue magic into Alec, "You should have told me you were in pain."

Alec leaned further into Magnus' body, "It's fine, it was worse before, I can take it."

Johnathan left them, collecting his escort, Isabelle, and leaving the Institute to see Maia, ignoring the glares from the the rest of her pack as his wrapped his arms round her and let himself take comfort from her embrace.

* * *

Alec encouraged Madzie to do it, and smiled at her delightedly when the covers change from the stark white to a soft blue.

"Good job, Zie-zie." Alec clapped.

It had been a week since he had woken and most of the time if Magnus and Johnathan weren't with him Maia was and Madzie of course refused to leave his side much to the confusion of the Clavies who wondered how she could care so much for a Circle member.

Alec glanced up as the door to his private room opened and he forced himself not to look away as his mother entered.

"Come here, sweetling." Alec said and settled Madzie in the protective circle of his ams as the woman sat down in a chair and stared at him.

"Alexander." She began and Alec already knew that this was not going to end well.

"If you're here to apologize get out." Alec told her.

She looked startled at the interruption, "I am your mother-"

Alec sneered at her, interrupting again, "No, you aren't, I lost my mother when I was four years old, she left me to the care of monsters. What? You thought I would just forgive you and forget all about it?" Alec asked, "I know Johnathan is giving Jocelyn another chance and getting to know his sister, but Johnathan wasn't there that night, I was the reason you got out at all."

Alec stared at her face, watching it drop in surprise, "Valentine only pauses his night patrol when he needs to punish someone." Alec sneered at her, "I walked out of my hiding place to protect yours, and you didn't even look back, those twenty lashes were just the beginning. If there was ever a moment that I wasn't in some form of pain from a punishment I don't remember, mine or Johnathan's, it didn't matter, it was all the same and I had to listen to Johnathan thinking you were going to come back for us when I knew better, when I knew you thought we were monsters just like Valentine. We were raised to hate them, Downworlders and Clavies, raised to think that they deserved to die, and yet, neither of us chose to be there, we didn't chose Valentine's way, it was chosen for us, by Valentine and Robert and by you when you didn't even try to save us.

"We saved ourselves, we don't need you, I don't want you, and I don't want your apology, I want you to stay away from me and my family, Magnus and Madzie and Johnathan and Maia." Alec informed her, "Get out and take your guilt some where else, I don't care or want it."

Maryse opened her mouth.

"He asked you to leave, Maryse." Lucian Greymark said as he stepped into the open doorway.

"Luke, you should understand." Maryse tried.

"I understand that Maia had to carry this young man out of Valentine's base after he killed several Circle members, after being tortured for four months straight, I know that for several hours I thought he was going to die, twenty minutes of that thinking he was already dead as I carried him through the streets to Catarina Loss. I know that Bane was both terrified and willing to exhaust his magic to heal him and refused to leave his side until he woke, I understand that this is the first time you've seen or asked after him since his arrival." Luke said staring down at her, "I think you need to leave and explain to our children why Alec refuses to listen to you even apologize."

It was then that Alec noticed the three young boys, one around eleven, one around nine and one around Madzie's age.

"What are they doing here?" She asked, anger in her voice.

"We wanted to meet our brother." A young woman said as she stood behind the boys.

"Isabelle." Maryse sighed.

"Mother, he's our brother, the brother that you apparently abandoned, we'll listen to your excuses later over dinner but I don't want to hear them right now, it was hard enough listening to Aunt Jocelyn's." Isabelle said, "But I think you should leave."

Maryse huffed and stormed from the room, Luke following after ruffling the children's hair.

"Hi." Isabelle began, "I'm Isabelle, well Isabelle but Izzy, this is Max," The oldest, "Aiden," The middle one, "And Miles." The littlest that began to climb up on the bed.

Alec reached out to help, "I'm Alec, hello."

"Are you really our brother?" Max asked.

Alec shrugged, "We share a mother apparently, but that doesn't have to matter."

"Were you given a Circle Rune?" Aiden asked.

"Can we see it?" Miles asked immediately after.

"I do have a Rune, no you may not." Alec forced himself to laugh, children were strange, they had none of the hangups that had Izzy hiding her face in embarassment.

"Why not?" Max asked.

"Because it is not a Rune to be proud of." Alec explained, "Do you know what the Circle was?"

The three shook their heads and even Izzy looked doubtful.

Alec tucked Miles into his arms next to Madzie as the other boys took seats on the bed next to him and Izzy sat in Maryse's abandoned chair.

"The Circle..." Alec looked up when he saw Johnathan step into the doorway, his new friends with him, somehow he'd beaten some sense into Baby Herondale to get him to leave Maia alone and now he was dating Clary, Johnathan's sister, much to the man's annoyance.

They entered quietly and settled down on the ground, Maia sitting in Johnathan's arms easily when he tugged her closer.

"The Circle would tell you that they were superior, that they deserved to be ruling the world instead of serving it by protecting Mundies from Demons and rogue Downworlders, and that the Angel had greater plans for us than that." Alec began, "And maybe once they were right, centuries ago when we all lived as one people, Downworlders and Nephilim together protecting Mundies from Demons and their own. And then the Silent Brothers decided to stop teaching Nephilim to stand by Downworlders, they allowed the formation of a Nephilim ruling body without representation for the other people in our world and as they made more and more life changing laws and regulations they began to believe that they were better, that they deserved to rule the Mundies as well as the Downworlders, Valentine used this to gather followers, to rise in power.

"I've only been told about the first rise from Valentine, who swore it was for a greater good than the Clavies could see or realise, and from Magnus, who understood the horror that was an annialation of entire peoples, who had likely seen such a thing happen before." Alec paused to shake his head, "I believed Valentine once, when I was still small, before we were fully initiated, when I still believed that someone might rescue us.

"Our mothers defected and I thought, for a few months anyway, that maybe they would at the very least send the Clave after Valentine, but they didn't, they didn't and we were left there and Valentine didn't go easy on us just because we were young, he whipped us when we needed to be punished, starved us to remind us that he was in control. I was seven when we were given our first kill order, a Clavie and we were young enough to get close, young enough to catch his interest and well, that man at least we felt no guilt for killing."

"Why not?" Herondale growled angrily.

"He wanted to fuck Alec." Johnathan said coldly, "I enjoyed watching the light fade from his eyes."

Herondale's anger cooled in shock, turning back to Alec, eyes wide.

"He didn't get that far, Johnathan has never really been a master of control," Alec smiled a little, "There were others, some... some broke my heart to kill, but it was a kinder fate than the one that awaited those we were told to capture."

"It was unfortunate that we were not sent to collect Madzie." Johnathan said softly.

Alec brushed Madzie's hair back with his hand, "Was it?" Alec asked.

"The children we were sent for always ended up escaping, or if that was impossible our blades would slip, just enough to be called accidental." Johnathan said blankly, "Alec couldn't stand watching them be tortured by our Fathers."

"So you killed them?!" Clary shouted outraged.

"It would have been a slow death otherwise." Alec told them, "A death where you slowly burned from the inside out, I anchored Johnathan, felt the boiling of his blood in my own from the Demon Blood Valentine injected him with, I refused to allow children to die that way."

They all shivered at the cold way Alec spoke of killing children but the older ones understood what Alec meant to do for those children, they would have died eventually anyway, but Alec had offered a quick, near painless death over the long, painful one, perhaps it didn't make it right but perhaps it had been kinder than Valentine's orders.

"The Circle is not something you should strive for, I know that several people in the Clave joined just because they wanted to torture Downworlders, but as for the rest Johnathan and I were mostly out on missions instead of being involved in the innerworkings for all that were were Valentine's Generals." Alec shrugged and pressed a kiss to Madzie's hair.

"How did Madzie become your daughter?" Maia asked.

Alec looked at them, "I decided that she was going to be mine because no one else cared and I couldn't let her be stuck in her room alone."

"And now we're stuck with her." Johnathan muttered.

Maia hit his chest, "You love her, don't bother denying it."

Johnathan pouted but didn't deny it.

Alec rolled his eyes and glanced at the door, smiling happily at Magnus, who was leaning against the door jam watching Alec.

"Magnus!" Alec shouted.

"Catarina is here to give you a check up and see if you can leave the Institute." Magnus said.

"Am I going home with you and Madzie?" Alec asked excitedly.

Magnus smiled as he moved aside for Catarina to enter, shooing the others away except Johnathan and Maia who moved to sit with Alec and Madzie on the bed.

"Alright, Johnathan has told me you've never had a proper medical check up, I did his when we removed most of his Demon Blood, but you weren't well enough when you first came to me." Catarina explained as she laid everything out on a conjured table noticing Alec look of trepidation.

"Is it going to hurt?" Alec asked.

"Compared to the level you're currently feeling?" She asked, "No."

"You're in pain?" Johnathan asked, angry that Alec hadn't said anything.

"He should be, the spell we've been casting for his pain wore off sometime this morning." Catarina said, "Alec, you need to tell us so we can cast a new one."

"Can't I just get a potion?" Alec asked.

"Normally yes, but you had internal injuries and I don't want you to have some of the ingredients that goes into the pain potions." Catarina explained.

"Oh." Alec said.

"Can I learn the pain spell?" Madzie asked softly.

Catarina smiled, "Of course, sweetie, we can do that when I take you home."

"Home?" Alec asked, he had assumed that Johnathan or Magnus had Madzie when she wasn't with him.

"She's been staying with me for the nights or Ragnor because Johnathan didn't want her around the Nephilim here and Magnus has been helping hunt down the remaining Circle members." Catarina said.

"Catarina and Ragnor have been my friends since I was young, I'd trust them with... well, the most important people to me are them, you and Madzie." Magnus told Alec, "And I trusted Madzie to them, you can be sure that they wouldn't hurt her or allow her to be hurt."

"Warlocks are not infallable, Magnus." Alec reminded him, "Valentine took Madzie from the park but Johnathan and I had to clean up Iris Rouse's operation."

"You killed Rouse?" Catarina asked, her eyes falling to Madzie to check on her, but Madzie seemed unconcerned.

"Yes." Alec said.

"She had a pet Demon she was using to rape Mundies in order to get them pregnant and took the resulting children from them after eraseing their memories." Johnathan told them when Alec didn't elaborate, "She very much deserved her end."

"And the children?" Maia asked, concerned, "Did you kill them?"

"No, we... we found the normal looking ones homes and the others, there are a few Warlocks that were on our radar but we hadn't gotten orders to capture or kill so we just watched them, we left the ones with visable Warlock marks with them." Alec assured them.

"Do you remember where you left the normal looking ones?" Catarina asked, "Just in case."

"Yeah." Johnathan said, "What?" He asked when they all looked at him in surprise.

Alec smiled softly at his Parabatai, "You kept track of them for me?"

Johnathan smiled back, "You wanted to keep half of them, Alec, I could see how much it hurt you to leave them, when I thought...when I thought you were dead I knew you would be angry if they got hurt when their Warlock appeared so I dropped in on them."

"Is that little girl, Anya, one of them?" Maia asked, "The one you let call you Uncle Johnny?"

Johnathan looked embarassed but nodded.

"Uncle Johnny?" Alec snorted, before bursting into laughter.

"Shut up!" Johnathan shouted and pulled Madzie away to shove her at Maia as he began to tickle Alec, Catarina moving out of the way.

Alec gasped in pain a few moments later.

"Sorry!" Johnathan pulled back and Catarina was checking too make sure no further damage had been done.

"I'm fine." Alec said, "You just hit a sore spot."

"Anyway." Catarina interrupted, "If you want to go home with Magnus you can, I'll still need to come see you and I'm not sure if you're going to have a baby sitter like Johnathan has but you should be fine with just Magnus around."

"I already discussed that with Imogen, as long as you are with either Isabelle or Clary or with Maia or myself they aren't going to make you have an escort." Magnus explained, "Johnathan, you have two months left on your probation period, after which you'll be able to go out on your own unless it's on a mission, they want Alec to have an escort for six months as well."

"And you can be an escort for him?" Johnathan asked Magnus.

Magnus nodded, "I insisted, especially since Alec is still in pain."

"Thank you, Magnus." Alec smiled.

"We'll go home in a little bit, I have to talk with Imogen in an hour." Magnus smiled pressing a kiss to Alec's lips, "And what about you, Miss Madzie, are you coming home with us or going with Catarina tonight."

"Xan-xan." Madzie said and tucked herself back it the man's side.

"I can teach you the pain relief spell tomorrow when I see you." Catarina smiled at the shy girl.

Madzie nodded and closed her eyes, falling asleep easily.

"We're going to go bug Clary." Johnathan said inching towards the door as Catarina gathered her things.

Maia laughed, "You just want to cockblock Jace."

"It's my sister and he shoouldn't even be thinking about sexing with her she's underage." Johnathan cried.

Alec rolled his eyes as they left, yawning a little.

"If you feel like resting you should take a nap." Catarina said.

"Maguns, will you take a nap too?" Alec asked as he shifted to lay down, reaching for the other.

Magnus nodded and joined the two on the bed, setting an alarm before drawing Alec into his arms.

"I'll come back in forty-five minutes to wake you up." Catarina promised as the two joined Madzie in sleep, Magnus mumbling an aknowledgment.


	9. Chapter 9

Summary:

* * *

Alec loved watching Magnus with Madzie, the two were practicing magic at the moment while Alec was curled up under a blanket on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate.

He'd never had the drink before Magnus had made some for Madzie and Alec had fallen in love with the warm drink.

"Xan-xan, did you see?" Madzie asked as she climbed into his lap.

"Yes, I did, those were very beautiful bubbles." Alec praised.

"Do you think I can make them purple next time?" Madzie asked.

"You won't know if you don't try." Alec told her, "But why don't we rest a moment, Magnus looks tired."

Alec grinned at Magnus, eyes shining happily.

"You just want to cuddle the little fish, don't you?" Magnus teased.

"Maybe, you can join us, you know." Alec offered.

"How generous." Magnus laughed and summoned a book.

He settled on the couch next to Alec and pulled Alec into his chest, letting the man rest against him as Madzie got comfortable on his own.

"Magnus read?" Madzie asked as she settled down and closed her eyes.

"Alright." Magnus smiled down at the two and began reading out loud.

An hour later and Magnus finally stopped, the two laying against him asleep and dreaming. Magnus pressed a light kiss to Alec's forehead and Alec shifted a little before settling and Magnus pet his hair soothingly as he continued reading his book silently, content to just hold Alec in his arms for the moment.


End file.
